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kingsleyyy:

snow day tomorrow please

marxvx:

if i as a retail worker have to work with a dozen cameras pointed at me to deter me from stealing $10, cops should have to work with a camera pointed at them to deter them from arbitrarily maiming and killing people

bravedad:

i wonder how many people i’m in the “i’d be down if you asked” zone with

kurgs:

skeletongrazed:

skeletongrazed:

what’s the difference between a dirty bus stop and a lobster with breast implants ?

one’s a crusty bus station and one’s a busty crustacean

#i’ve told this joke a million times and it NEVER fails

fadeintocase:

rambling-insanity:

fadeintocase:

I don’t understand how people can shower in like five minutes I mean I can go as fast as I can I still have to shampoo my hair and condition my hair and scrub myself and shave and cut myself shaving and use the blood in my summoning of the dark lord then travel to another dimension to ward off my enemies then come back and dry off how do you do that in five minutes

2 in 1 shampoo/conditioner

FUCK

OF COURSE

claydols:

my eyes change colour depending on my swag levels. they are the darkest brown when my swag levels are at a maximum. i have never seen them change

destielfricklefrackle:

have you ever had to restart a song because you spaced out and weren’t appreciating it enough

puyols-hairdresser:

when you’re doing school work and someone asks you what the answer is

image

carlosoriordan:

My Quetzalcóatl don’t want none unless you got buns.

carlosoriordan:

My Quetzalcóatl don’t want none unless you got buns.

shipsnamedenterprise:

*planet explodes* *removes one earbud* what

dankotaxvx:

hey mom my friends are here, ill be back later

dankotaxvx:

hey mom my friends are here, ill be back later